


How can I heal without you?

by nerdyhawaiian



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Hurt Derek, Hurt Stiles, M/M, Switching Perspectives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-13
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2018-01-12 06:44:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1183113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdyhawaiian/pseuds/nerdyhawaiian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A rogue Alpha comes into their territory with sights on hurting the pack...what happens when one gets hurt...how will that impact the rest of the pack, especially the one who loves them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I got hit with inspiration and then this story was born. I have the entire thing written but I think I'll spread it out to make it interesting. Please give it a chance. Sorry in advance for any errors.

-Stiles-

It was my senior year that I realized something that I never thought would happen. Something unexpected. I realized that I had deep feelings for Derek Hale. I mean I knew that I was attracted to him. Anyone would be attracted to him: straight women, gay men, straight men, etc. I just thought it was something that my “sexually flexible” mind was enjoying fantasizing about. It wasn’t until Derek became a Beta in Scott’s pack that I got to know him better. I got a chance to know the awesome person he really was, not the grumpy Alpha from before.

Derek and I would hang out to do research sessions. It turns out that Derek can be really helpful when it comes to all the supernatural crap that we’re surrounded by. I guess being raised by a family of werewolves, you tend to learn a thing or two about the things that go bump in the night. The thing about those sessions was the fact that Derek and I would spend a great deal of time, when we weren’t researching, just hanging out together. We had similar tastes in movies and books, but I will admit he doesn’t have the best taste in TV shows, actually he doesn’t even watch TV shows. We had similar senses of humor, which of course is just a lot of sarcasm. Slowly something started to build up in me, and that something turned into deep feelings.

Derek were slowly becoming closer and I was certain that he felt the same way about me, but every time he and I would get close, he would pull away. It finally got too much for me. I confronted it about it and apparently I was right about the whole him liking me thing, but he pulled the “you’re too young, you’re still in High School” card, which is total BS. The thing about that statement is I overlooked the whole “High School” part of it. The day of my graduation he walked straight up to me and kissed me. When we pulled away all he had to say was “Thank God you’re not in High School anymore.” Which of course led to me laughing hysterically.

It’s been a few months since then and it has been pretty awesome. Derek and I already had the base that was a good friendship so the transition to being boyfriends wasn’t that difficult. Actually, it was pretty easy. We still had a lot of fights, we’re not perfect, but we would always work through them.

It had been calm for the past few weeks and the whole pack was coming over for a pack meeting at Derek’s loft, which was the usual spot since it was huge and parent-less. I, of course, got there early so Derek and I could have some alone time.

Walking into the loft I loudly screamed out “Honey, I’m Home!”

Derek walked down from the spiral staircase, “Must you always do that when you enter?”

“Of course, it’s my thing.” I walked over to him and kissed him quickly. “So, how was your day? Wow, I will never get over how domestic that sounds.” I say with a laugh.

Derek couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “The usual: catch up on my reading, workout, eat. You know, the exciting life I live.”

“You know, you should try to get a job. I mean, I know you have the insurance money and everything, but it would at least give you something to do during the day. Anything you’d be interested in doing?”

“Well, there is a job open that I thought about taking.”

“Oh, really? What, pray tell, would that be?” I say intrigued.

“Well there’s a job opening at the bookstore, and I figured that would be somewhere that I wouldn’t mind working.” He looked over at me and tried to gage my reaction. I had to admit, that would be a good job for him. Derek loved to read and he had a wide variety in his taste for books. “You’re not going to laugh at me?” He said when I didn’t respond.

“No, I actually think that is perfect for you. No one I know reads as much as you. You should definitely apply?”

He leans in and places a kiss on my lips, this one deeper than the one before. His tongue ran upon my lower lip and I gladly opened up for him, our tongues coming together to compete for dominance. After a few minutes we finally parted. I was still in a state of shock but when I looked into his eyes I saw them shimmering with emotion. God I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but I didn’t want to rush him into anything. I know that his past has been filled with so much crap that I don’t want this to scare him away. I leaned in again placed a short kiss on his lips. “As much as I love kissing you already, but what was that for?”

“Have I ever told you how awesome you are?”

“Yes, but you could say it a little bit more often.” I said pulling on his hand so we could settle down on the couch. The pack always expected us to have sex or make out the entire time before they got there, but, to be honest, I much preferred the quiet moments when it’s just the two of us enjoying each other’s company.

“I love this, I love when it’s just the two of us.” I said as I leaned against his front while sitting on the couch. “I mean we don’t have to talk about anything. I mean we can, but I love to just be sitting here enjoying it being just you and me. I mean I love the pack and everything, but sometimes they can be too much to handle.”

“Stiles.”

“Yes, Derek.”

“It’s hard for us to ‘sit here in silence and just enjoy each other’s presence,’ when you won’t stop talking.” He said dryly.

“Well sometimes I can’t help myself. You know this. And you’re lucky that I understand your sense of humor or else I would be really pissed about you making fun of me.”

“Stiles-“

“Fine, I’ll shut up.”

Just as I felt my eyes begin to droop and sleep take me over, Derek and My phones’ go off, which usually means something pack related.

Scott: Went on a quick patrol and caught a trail of another werewolf. Meet me at the entrance to the preserve ASAP.

I turn to look at Derek, his eyebrows pulled together in thought. “Just when I started to get comfortable, another problem hits Beacon Hills.” We stood up and I grabbed my bag. “I’ll meet you over there. I’m going to run by the Sheriff’s station and give my Dad a heads up on what is going on. He can help run interference is someone calls about a bunch of wolves howling in the woods.”

“You sure you don’t want me to come with you. We don’t know what this threat is, I’d rather we not separate right now.”

“Stop worrying. You know that I’m bad ass. We don’t even know what kind of threat it is. Even if something happens, remember that I won’t go down easily. Plus I always carry mountain ash.”

“Just be careful.”

“You too. No being an idiot and running into unnecessary trouble.”

He rolled his eyes at me. “I think you’re getting me confused with yourself.”

“Just another thing we have in common.” I run up and peck him on the lips. “See you later, Sourwolf.”

I head out and go over to my Dad’s office. Waving at the receptionist on my way in I find my Dad sitting down at his desk under a pile of paperwork.

“Hey, Dad.”

He looks up at me and groans. “Oh God, what is it now?”

“Why do you always assume there’s something wrong?”

“The only time you come here is to either bring me lunch or tell me about something that has happened. Since you’re not carrying food, I’m assuming it’s the latter.”

“Wow that is some great detective work. You should work in Law Enforcement.” I say winking at him.

 

“What is it Stiles? I have a lot of work to do and I’m pretty sure you’re going to add on to it.”

“Ok, Scott caught wind of an unknown werewolf and we’re headed out to meet up at the preserve to check it out. Just giving you a head’s up. I’ll let you know if anything else pops up.”

“I know there isn’t anything I can say to keep you from going-“ “Nope” “-so I’m just going to say be safe and let me know if anything happens.”

“I will. Love you, Dad.”

“Love you too, Son.”

I was probably halfway to where I was supposed to meet up with the rest of the pack when my “Spidey-Senses” were tingly (I don’t care if that is a stupid thing to say but I don’t care Spiderman is awesome). I look in my rear-view mirror and see something approaching. The next thing I know, my car is being shoved off the road and it’s flipping over. I blackout for a second and can feel that there is a gash on my head and my arm is broken. I know that I have to run and the second I’m out the car I head straight into the woods. I know it’s too dark to see, but I have to do what I can. I have to find help. I have to call Derek.


	2. Chapter 2

-Derek-

When I get to the preserve, I see that Scott, Lydia, Ethan, and Aiden are already there. Aiden is smirking when I get out. I look over at him and growl. “What?”

“I see you were with Stiles. Have a good time?”

“Shut up.” I growled letting my eyes flash.

“Derek, Aiden, both of you stop.” Scott said. “Derek, if you were with Stiles, then why isn’t he with you?”

“He’s giving his Dad a head’s up. He’ll be here soon.”

“Ok, let’s wait for him. He shouldn’t be long. Probably a few more minutes. We have to wait a few minutes for Allison and Isaac anyways.”

I look around and see that Lydia is here and she seems to be looking out into the woods with a strange look on her face. Scott noticed this too and we both headed over to her. Seeing that look on her face usually meant that something bad was about to happen. Scott spoke first. “Lydia is everything alright?”

“I don’t know. I just have this really bad feeling. I can’t explain it.”

At that moment my phone began to ring, and I immediately recognized it as the ringtone Stiles set for himself. Everyone turned to me, Scott’s eyes flashing with worry. I tried to calm myself before I answered. “Stiles?”

“Derek,” his voice sounded forced.

“Stiles, what’s happening? Where are you?”

I could here Stiles running somewhere, his breath hitching every so often. “I don’t know. I saw something in my rear-view mirror and the next thing I know my car is flipped.” He stops there and it sounds like he can’t speak right now.

“Stiles, where was the last place you remember being?”

“I don’t know. Somewhere on the road leading up to you guys.”

“Find someplace safe and we’ll come and find you. But I need you to stay on the line. Can you do that for me?” The worry seeping into my voice. Everyone is running into my car, seeing as it’s the easiest. Scott lets Isaac and Allison know and then jumps on his bike. We rush down the road, “Stiles are you still there?”

I hear the grunt before he speaks, his breathing fast due to him running. “Yea, I’m still here. Damn, my arm hurts like a bitch. Pretty sure it’s broken.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll get that fixed as soon as we get you.” We pull up to his car and jump out. The first thing that hits us is the smell of Stiles’ blood, there is a large amount in the car, too much to be safe. “Stiles, we’re at your car, we’ll be there soon, just find someplace safe.”

We catch the trail and start to run out into the woods, following the trail of Stiles’ blood. The scent is driving my wolf insane, knowing that the person that we love is in danger. I never had the chance to tell him. “Derek?” I hear Stiles speak into the phone.

“Yea, Stiles.”

“I can’t keep running. My arm and head are killing me. Please tell me you’re going to find me soon.”

“We’re coming.” I hear him stumble and fall, a scream piercing through the phone, and throughout the woods. It is echoing through the trees making it too difficult to pinpoint. “Stiles?!”

A grunt is on the other side of the phone. He tries to speak but its being broken up by the grunts of pain, each grunt cutting into my chest. “Sorry…I fell…hurt like…a bitch.”

“Well you were always the clumsy one.” I say trying to joke with him but my voice sounded strained. I look around at everyone and see that they are focused on trying to find Stiles but they are starting to lose the trail, just as I am.

“Screw you…I’m not that…bad.” He hears Stiles stop. “I can’t go anymore…I can hear him…He’s catching up to me.”

“Stiles, we’re almost there. You just have to be strong ok?”

“I’ll try…I can’t keep my eyes open…That’s not good is it?”

I stop, needing to collect myself before I lose control. The person that I love is dying and I’m not even there to fight to keep him alive. I look at the rest of the pack and they’re looking worried. Scott looks as if he is on the verge of breaking down. Scott takes a breath and speaks “We need to keep moving. We have to get to him.”

I nod and start to run again, increasing my speed. I bring the phone to my ear again, thankful for the increased agility allowing me to maintain this speed and the conversation. “Stiles, are you there?” No response. I scream in to the phone. “Stiles?!”

“I’m still here. I found someplace to hide.”

“I need you to keep talking to me.”

“I’ll try…I guess you were right…we shouldn’t have separated.” He said, attempting a strained laugh.

“You should know by now that I’m always right.”

I look ahead and see Scott stop. I run to catch up with him, dropping the phone but still able to hear Stiles. “Why are we stopping?”

“The trail…it’s gone?”

I tilt my head up and realize that he was right, Stiles’ scent just stopped. “How can it be gone? He didn’t just disappear.”

“No, but it is possible that the rogue is an Alpha, his scent will be able to cover up his.”

“But we can’t scent him.”

“I don’t know.”

“We have to do something!”

Aiden comes up and grabs my shoulder, I guess to comfort me, but I don’t want it and I want Stiles.

“Derek?” I hear Stiles’ voice, weaker than it was last time.

“I’m still here.”

“I don’t know how much longer I can stay awake.”

“You have to try.”

“I wish you were here. I wish we were back in your loft.”

Tears are beginning to form in my eyes, and I look over at Scott and see an identical wrecked look upon his face. “Me too. Just hold on we’ll find some way to get to you.”

“I’m so tired.”

“Stay awake. I need you to stay awake.”

“I can’t. I’ve been putting it off for so long already. I’m sorry, I love you.” Then the phone goes dead. That was the first time Stiles had told me that he loved me and I didn’t get the chance to tell him that I loved him back. I drop the phone and let a howl of agony rip through my chest. Tears are falling freely from my eyes. I finally found someone that I loved and loved me back and I lost him. I lost him just like I lost my family.

Scott is pulling me to look at him, seeing an equally devastated look on his face. Ethan and Aiden looking saddened as well. “Derek, I know what you’re feeling, but the best thing to do is find him and find the asshole that did this to him.”

At that moment we hear a crash and see Isaac approaching with Allison following behind. Allison sees the looks on our faces, “What happened? What happened to Stiles?”

“We don’t know.” Scott spoke up. “The line went dead, but it didn’t sound good before.”

Tears began to shine in Allison’s eyes, but she quickly worked to maintain her composure. “So what are we going to do?”

“We need to at least find him, but we lost the trail.” Scott spoke up again. Just at that moment a roar pierced through the night, this one was an unfamiliar one. The roar was one that was challenging the pack.

I returned it immediately, not caring what Scott had to say, but he was immediately challenging the wolf as well, and soon the entire pack was headed out in the direction of the other wolf. Scott and I rushing ahead, allowing the rage that was within us to pull us forward.

Scott and I crash through the clearing looking for the beast, he didn’t deserve to be call a human of any sort. “Where are you?!” I yell out.

“Someone is a little touchy. Why might that be? Is it because your little bitch has gone missing?”

“Where is he? What did you do to him?”

“I haven’t done anything. Well besides run him off the road and chase him through the woods. But I lost him somewhere. Figured he was injured enough that I would just let nature do the rest of the work for me.” A snarl ripped through me. I didn’t want to think about what he had done to Stiles. “Someone’s a little touchy. But I’ll tell you one thing, that little guy is a fighter. I can see why you would want him in your pack. Too bad he’s gone now.”

I couldn’t hold back anymore. I launched forward wanting to sink my claws or teeth into any part of his flesh. This monster killed not only the man that I love, but one of the greatest people I have ever had the chance to get to know. Scott was right in his guess that this wolf was an Alpha, his strength definitely overpowered mine. But I had rage and a pack on my side.

The rest of the pack was joining in the pack now. With the 5 of us working together, we were slowly beginning to overpower him, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t continue to fight. He had kicked Isaac hard enough in the chest to send him flying into a nearby tree, knocking him out. Ethan and Aiden were both showing signs of being hit by the Alpha’s claws, the wounds taking longer to heal due to their opponent being an Alpha. Scott and I were the only ones that had a bit of an advantage. We were both fighting in honor of Stiles, this man needed to die because of what he did.

Scott was finally able to knock the Alpha to the ground and I moved in for the killing swipe, but just as my claws were sinking into his throat he made one last attempt to stay alive. I could feel his claws slicing through my stomach, leaving deep gashes behind. Both of collapsed at the same time, though he had no more life within him.

Scott, Ethan, and Aiden ran to my side instantly to check the damage.

“Derek, we got you. We’re going to take you to Deaton’s to get you patched up. You’ll be fine.”

I looked down at my torso and saw the deep gashes, the blood rushing out of them. I knew that it wasn’t good. I knew that there was a good chance that I wasn’t going to make it. I was starting to slip into unconsciousness when they began to lift me up the motion causing me to scream out in pain.

“Sorry, but you need to hold on.” Scott was telling me. “You’re going to be ok.”

I was slipping into unconsciousness again. My mind began to think about Stiles and I couldn’t help thinking that it was my fault that Stiles was gone. I knew that there was a threat out there and that Stiles was always a magnet for bad things. I knew that I needed to protect him, and I failed. I broke my promise to keep him safe. I’m not the good person that I thought I was trying to be. With that, I allowed the darkness to take over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I realize that Derek killed that Alpha, but he's not going to be an Alpha. I know that doesn't work way in the Teen Wolf world but oh well.


	3. Chapter 3

-Scott-

We rushed back to the cars, needing to get Derek back to Deaton’s as soon as possible. The second we had Derek positioned in the back seat of his car I pulled my phone out and gave Deaton a head’s up. Derek’s wounds were bad, but I’ve seen him survive much worse, I’ve survived worse. The problem is that the wound was from an Alpha, which means it will take longer for him to heal, which means we need to get him stiched up to stop the bleeding and hopefully accelerate the healing process.

When we reached Deaton’s we quickly brought Derek inside. Deaton had already got everything set up and began to work on Derek. The rest of the pack moved into the waiting room while I helped Deaton. I tried to keep my mind from drifting to all the times I helped Deaton fix up the animals in the clinic, and the number of times he wasn’t able to save them.

When Deaton finished stitching up he stepped back and made a quick sound.

“What was that sound for?”

“Even though I’ve stitched him up, it appears he isn’t healing.”

“Well that’s because the wound is from an Alpha right?”

“An Alpha’s wound would take a longer time to heal, but having the skin stitched together should accelerate it, but the skin isn’t coming together at all. It’s as if the body is refusing to allow itself to heal.”

A quick memory flashed through my mind. “That’s happened before.”

Deaton turned to me, confusing flashing upon his face. “What do you mean? Have you seen this happen before?”

“Yea. When we were facing the Alpha pack, the time Derek and Ennis fell. I was so sure that Derek had died and I couldn’t stop thinking that it was my fault. My wound wasn’t healing, in fact it got worse. Allison stitched me up but it still took a long time to heal. I think that might be happening to Derek.”

“Why would you think that?”

I had to stop myself from allowing all the emotions to come crashing down upon me. I still can’t believe that my best friend was either dead or lost somewhere in the woods on the verge of death and I had no way of finding him.

“It’s because of Stiles.”

“Yes, I noticed he wasn’t here, which is odd considering his and Derek’s relationship. What happened?”

“The Alpha attacked him while he was driving. Stiles was badly injured and was chased by the Alpha, but eventually the Alpha gave up on his hunt and focused on finding us. Stiles called us and we could tell that he was in bad shape. He was still running from the Alpha when he finally told us he couldn’t hold out anymore and hid himself. Eventually,” I had to stop. I couldn’t continue. This was my best friend, my brother, I was talking about. The tears began to fall freely from my eyes. I hear the door open and Allison walks in and wraps her arms around me. I allow myself to let it all out in her arms. We may not still be a couple but we still cared for each other and she understood how much Stiles meant to me.

After a while my tears were lightening, there was no way I could stop the heartbreak I was feeling, but I needed to put it away for now. I had already lost one friend, I couldn’t lose a pack mate in the same night. I turned back to Deaton. “What do you think? Do you think the same thing could be happening to Derek?”

“It is possible. Much like how the human body can respond to false medication due to the placebo effect, it is also possible to create illnesses because someone believes they will get it. Derek could subconsciously be blaming himself for not being able to save Stiles and therefore his body is not allowing him to save himself, not allowing himself to heal.”

“What can I do? Is there some way that we can get him to realize that it’s not his fault, that he needs to live for Stiles, not die because of him.”

“At this moment, there is nothing we can do but wait.”

“I hate when people say that.” I walk in to the waiting room and find the rest of the pack there. “You guys don’t have to stay. I know it’s starting to get late and you guys should go home and get some rest. I’ll stay here with Derek.”

Ethan stepped forward and placed his hand upon my shoulder. “Derek is our pack mate too, so was Stiles. We need to stay together now. We need to be a pack. So, we’re not going anywhere.”

I look at everyone and see that they are all showing that they were not going to leave now. It made me happy to think that this pack was more than just a bunch of werewolves living in the same area, we were becoming a makeshift family. We were beginning to trust each other. “Thanks you guys. I know tonight has been hard. We may have lost one pack member, and may be losing another. I’m glad we’re here together.”

“We’re not sure Stiles is dead though.” Isaac spoke up. “We should be out there looking for him.”

“Problem is we have no idea where to look.” Aiden spoke up. “We only know how to hunt by smell, sight and hearing.”

“Good thing I come from a family that are experts in tracking humans and werewolves.” Allison spoke up. “I’ll call my Dad and we can try to search for Stiles.”

I looked at Allison, there were moments where I remembered why I loved her, and this was one of those moments. “Thank you. Isaac go with her. You might be able to help.”

With that Isaac and Allison headed out the door and out to find Stiles. I wanted to go out there to look for him, but I’m already too emotionally exhausted. This makes me feel like a horrible friend, but part of me is afraid of what will happen if I find Stiles cold and silent on the forest floor. I already know that I wouldn’t be able to handle knowing that he’s dead, but to see it firsthand, it would be too much. In that moment, I realized that the Sheriff still had no idea what was going on.

I pulled out my phone and dialed the Sheriff’s phone. He answered quickly. “Hey Scott, I’m hoping this is the All-Clear phone call.”

“Mr. Stilinski-“

“No, please god no.” He must’ve heard something in my voice because he was instantly reacting. “What happened? Please tell me it wasn’t Stiles.”

“You need to come to the Vet Clinic now. We need to talk.”

“Oh god, OK. I’ll be there right away.” He hung up and Scott knew that he would be there as fast as he could, even if he had to break a few laws to get here.

Just as I thought, Stiles’ dad was there in less than 5 minutes, even though the drive was usually 10 minutes. “Where is he? Where’s my Son?!”

“Mr. Stilinski, please calm down. I need to tell you what happened but I need to you be calm. Please can you do that for me?” I looked over towards him.

“Scott, please just tell me what happened.”

“After he left your office he was driving to meet us, and he was attacked. He called us and we ran to try to find him. We stayed on the phone with him, but it didn’t sound good. He told us that he had a broken arm and his head was bleeding. As the call continued, it sounded like he was getting worse. He was having a hard time speaking. Towards the end he said he had to stop and he was having a hard time keeping awake. Derek tried to keep him talking, but eventually the line went dead. Isaac, Allison, and Mr. Argent are headed out now to see if they can track him.”

Throughout my conversation with Mr. Stilinski I could see him slowly breaking down. I knew he was trying to hold it together but I could see the sadness hiding behind his eyes.

“Where’s Derek? Why isn’t he out there looking for Stiles?”

“That’s why we’re here. Derek was hurt in the battle with the Alpha. He’s not healing and all we can do is wait to see if he pulls through. We think it is because he feels guilty for Stiles being hurt. His body is not allowing him to heal. It’s trying to punish itself.”

Mr. Stilinski groaned, running his hands through his hair. I moved towards him and sat beside him. “Sir, we both know that Stiles is a fighter. Just because we don’t know where he is doesn’t mean you should count him out. Plus, Allison and Mr. Argent are the best hunters out there.”

“I just can’t believe that Stiles and Derek are both…” He takes a deep breath and tries to continue. “There really is nothing we can do now is there.”

“You can stay here with me. I know what you’re feeling, well at least part of what you’re feeling. No matter what happens, I am here for you.” I start to feel the emotions building up in my chest. “We’re going to get through this, no matter what happens.” Mr. Stilinski wraps his arm around my shoulder and we lean into each other.

It’s 15 minutes later when I hear someone walking outside, groans accompanying their footsteps. I stand up and move towards the door. Just as I’m reaching it, Stiles crashes through looking beaten and broken. “Thank god you guys are here. Now can someone catch me? I’m going to pass out now.” With that, his eyes rolls back and his body collapses. I instantly move forward to catch him, amazed by the fact that Stiles was alive and here in my arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I hope you like it.


	4. Chapter 4

-Stiles-

I woke up in the middle of the woods, relieve that I had survived, I was worried that when I closed my eyes that it would be permanently. I could feel my body was slowly getting some energy back. I looked for my phone, but it was smashed when I collapsed. I knew that I needed to get help. I didn’t know where the pack was but I knew someone that would be able to help me, so I headed in what I hoped to be the direction of town. Knowing that I would be able to get the help I needed from Deaton, and hoped that the pack would be there as well.

It was the longest walk of my life, but I eventually made it through the woods and saw that I had indeed found my way back to town. Slowly I made my way to Deaton’s and I could feel my body slowly giving out on me, but I knew that I needed to make it to the clinic. When the clinic was in my sights, the relief that ran through me was unbelievable.

When I finally made it through the door, I saw the entire pack was there. “Thank god you guys are here.” I could feel my body about to give out. “Now can someone catch me? I’m going to pass out now.” With that my body gave out and I felt the darkness pull me back under.

The next time I woke up I could feel that I was sitting on a cold metal table, which was at least better than waking up in the hospital. I looked to my left and saw that my dad was sitting on one side and Scott was sitting on the other. I turned to my dad first. “Hey, Dad.”

My dad looked up and jumped up to wrap his arms around me the best he could. “Dammit Stiles, don’t you ever do that to me again.”

“I’m sorry, I know that I’m danger prone and I should’ve known better than to have gone off on my own.”

“That’s not what I meant.” He stopped and appeared to be collecting himself. “We thought you had died. I thought I had lost you.”

I sat up and moved to wrap my arms around him, but he forced me to lie down. “You need to rest. You’re a bit worse for wear.”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Well besides your unnecessary desire to run into stupid situations.” Scott said, attempting to sound like he was joking but I could hear the strain and relief in his voice. “You have a broken arm, a deep head wound, bruises over most of your body, and a bruised rib.”

“Well, that sounds like I’m going to be having fun for the next few weeks.” I guess that means no fun times with Derek, speaking of which, “Where is Derek? Why isn’t he here?” Last thing I remember was finally telling him that I loved him. I knew that I needed to say it before I never had a chance to say it again, but now that I know that is not the case I need to see him. I look over at Scott, the sadness returning to his face, causing me to worry. “Scott, Where is Derek?!”

“When we lost contact with you, we all thought we had lost you. We heard the other wolf, who was an Alpha, and ran to challenge him. We were able to overpower him and take him down, but not before he dug his claws into Derek’s stomach.”

“So, what does that mean? He healed right? He’s just sitting out there waiting for me. Right? Right?!” The relief I felt when I woke up was leaving me now that I knew that Derek was injured and by the way Scott sounds, the results of that fight were not good.

“Stiles, he’s still alive, but he’s not healing. He should’ve healed by now but it’s as if his body isn’t allowing him to heal.”

The memory of Scott on the bus returns to me, “Why isn’t he allowing himself to heal?”

“We think it might be because he blames himself for you. He was certain that he had lost you, which led him to losing it on the Alpha. He probably won’t let himself heal because he believes it is his fault that you were hurt.”

“What?! He is such a masochist. He should’ve known that I couldn’t be taken out that easily.”

“Stiles, what we supposed to think? The way you sounded…it didn’t sound like you were going to make it. The way the call ended, it seemed like we had lost you. Derek was so lost. I’ve never seen him cry before, but he lost it.”

I didn’t realize that Derek would ever respond like that. I know he’s been different since he became Scott’s beta, but he never seemed like the one to let sadness overcome him to this extreme. I know that I would be devastated if I lost him, but I never thought about what it would be like for him to lose me. He has lost so much in his life and this was just another thing that he thought he had lost.

“Where is he?”

“He’s in the next room.”

“Can I see him?” I moved to sit up and get off the table but my Dad stopped me.

“Son, I’m not sure that’s a good idea. You’ve been out for a while and he’s pretty worse for wear himself, maybe you should wait until tomorrow.”

“Dad, the entire time I was running, all I was thinking about what you, Scott, and Derek. It feels amazing that I have gotten to see you two. I love you both, but now I need to see Derek. Maybe I can knock some sense in to him and get him to allow himself to heal.”

My dad nods at me and moves to help me off the table. It’s not until I’m standing that I feel all my injuries. I can’t help but let a groan escape my lips, my Dad immediately rushing to my side. “It’s ok, I just didn’t realize how sore it was going to be when I actually attempted to stand up. I’m good though.” Even though I told him I was ok, he still felt the need to help me walk into the next room.

When I walked in the sight stopped me in my tracks. Derek was lying on the table, pale with three large gashes stretching across his chest. The wound stitched together, but black blood was slowly oozing through. I could feel the worry tightening my chest, but I knew that I needed to push those feelings aside. I had to believe that he was going to get better, I needed to find a way to get through to him, hopefully get him to allow himself to heal.

I turned to my Dad. “Can you please leave us alone? I need to be with him right now. Hopefully I can get through to him.”

My dad’s eyes were filled with worry, but he nodded and helped me onto a seat beside Derek. I turned to him to thank him but he was already headed out of the room.

I turned back to Derek, back to the man that I loved. “Derek, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I need you to fight. I’m right here, I’m safe, you didn’t lose me. I’m sorry that I scared you to be honest, I scared myself. When I woke up in the woods, I felt so much relief, not only because I was alive, but because I wasn’t going to be leaving you, my Dad or Scott. You guys are the most important people to me. I love all of you. I love you so much. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, but I was afraid of how you would respond. I knew that you cared for me deeply, but you’ve had such bad experiences in your past and I thought that this might scare you away. I’m sorry it took something as horrible as this for me to finally tell you this, but that’s not how we do things.”

I had to stop there and collect myself. I had felt the tears forming in my eyes when I was speaking, trying to keep them from falling, but I couldn’t hold them back any more.

“I need you to fight. You’re my family. I can’t lose another part of my family. It would devastate me. Please you need to allow yourself to heal. You need to know that I am here. I’m sorry that I scared you, but it wasn’t your fault. It’s just what happens. There is no way we could’ve known what was going to happen. There was no way you could’ve known. It isn’t your fault.”

I stood up and moved to place a quick kiss upon his lips. “Please Derek, I need you to heal.”

I slowly moved back to sitting beside him, taking his hand in mine and allowing myself to rest upon him. “Please come back to me.”

I could feel the weight of the day pressing upon me again and slowly I began to drift back to sleep. Just as I was on the edge, I felt Derek’s hand slowly begin to grip mine. I looked up and started to see Derek stir. I jumped up immediately, ignoring the pain that coursed through my body. “Derek?!”

I saw him slowly open his eyes. “Stiles? You’re here, you’re alive?”

“Yea, I am. I’m here.” I never thought I would be so happy to see Derek’s green eyes again, but looking at them now, they were the best thing I had ever seen.


	5. Chapter 5

-Derek-

It was an odd feeling. I could tell that I wasn’t dead, but I wasn’t sure if I was also still alive. It felt as if I was floating between the two. The darkness was surrounding me and I could feel it slowly beginning to crush me.

Surrounded by this darkness, my thoughts went back to Stiles. I couldn’t believe I had lost him, after I just got to be with him. Working with Stiles before had been amazing. I could slowly feel the connection between the two of us building, but I had to stop those thoughts from crossing my mind. I couldn’t allow myself to be with him. He was so young, he was still in High School, but I couldn’t stop my feelings from growing. He was such a great person, he deserved to be with someone who wasn’t broken. He wouldn’t and shouldn’t have similar feelings. There was no way that he would reciprocate those feelings. I tried to convince myself that it should never happen. He was still young, still in High School. Keeping those thoughts in the forefront of my mind whenever we were together.

One night when Stiles and I were hanging out, he confronted me. He told me that he had feelings for me and he knew that I had similar feelings. I wanted to surge forward right then and there and kiss him with everything I had, but I knew that I shouldn’t do that. I told him the same thing that I was telling myself, that he was too young. But I could see it in his eyes that he didn’t care what I was saying, he wasn’t going to stop.

The next few months, our friendship remained, but there was always that underlying emotion hiding just under the surface. On the day of his graduation, I decided to ignore that voice in my head and just go for it, kissing him the second I found him in the crowd. The smile on his face could’ve lit up a dark room.

The past few months have been amazing and I was looking forward to what the future had in store for us. But now that future had been taken away because I hadn’t been there for him. I never even got to tell him that I loved him.

Those thoughts kept swirling through my mind when I slowly thought that I was able to hear Stiles’ voice once again. Perhaps this was a sign that I was moving closer to death, finally slipping through the grasp of life. But his voice didn’t sound clear, it was as if he was having difficulty getting the words out, which was a problem that Stiles never had. I tried to pull myself closer to his voice, listening to what he was saying. Hearing him talk about how much he loved me and how much he cared for me.

The one thing that kept coming through was the way he was begging me to fight for him, begging me to never leave him. I knew that I needed to get back to him, I needed to fight against the darkness that was surrounding me. I needed to get back to him. I could slowly feel the binds that were holding me here releasing me. I could feel myself being drawn back to him. I was slowly beginning to return to consciousness.

The first thing that I felt was the weight of someone’s hand gripped around mine, a hand that I recognized. I needed to be sure that he was really there, squeezing it be sure that it wasn’t just my imagination.

The next thing I hear is Stiles screaming my name and I opened my eyes. I looked and saw Stiles right there in front of me, his eyes locked on mine. Those eyes that were so deep it was as if I could see right into him within those small orbs. “Stiles? You’re here, you’re alive?”

“Yes, I am. I’m here.” Tears were beginning to form within his eyes.

I moved to sit up, wanting to wrap my arms around him, wanting to be sure that what I was seeing was truly real and not a figment of my imagination. The motion caused a searing pain to rip through my middle. I looked down to see the deep gashes stitched together, but still not healed. “How long was I out?” It couldn’t have been that long if I wasn’t healing yet.

“A few hours. To be honest, I’m not sure. I just woke up myself.”

“But if I’ve been out that long, why haven’t I healed?” It didn’t make sense, the other wolf was an Alpha, but it didn’t take as long as it was taking now.

“Well we have a theory about that. We think your body wasn’t allowing itself to heal. That maybe you felt guilty about what had happened and weren’t letting yourself heal because of that guilt. Which to be honest isn’t that big of a stretch, you always worried too much and you always feel guilty about things that you can’t control.”

“But I could’ve controlled it. I knew that I shouldn’t have left you alone. I had a feeling something was happen and I didn’t follow it. I should’ve been able to find you. I should’ve been able to save you.”

“There is no way you could’ve known that any of this was going to happen. How were we to know that the wolf was trying to attack us? How were we to know that he was going to go straight to attacking me? How were we to know that any of this was going to happen? You need to stop this, you need to stop beating yourself up. None of this is your fault.”

A part of me knew that he was right, the other part wanted to continue to drown myself in guilt. All that time with Stiles had taught me that he knew what was he was talking about, and it was always wide to listen to what he had to say.

I leaned forward, ignoring the pain, and captured his lips in mine. The kiss was short but was able to express the emotions that I was feeling. I pulled away and looked into his eyes. “I love you.”

He placed a quick kiss upon me lips, “I love you too.” I smile came upon his face. “Why is it that it takes something as stupid as both of us almost dying to get us to actually admit our feelings for one another?”

“Because, as much as you don’t want to admit it, you’re just as emotionally constipated as I am.”

“That is not true.” I looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “Ok, that is partially true, but I am definitely not as bad as you are.”

“Sure, believe what you want.”

At that moment Scott decided to walk in, “Are you too lovebirds done or should we leave you alone so you can celebrate your newly declared love?” He said while holding back his laughter. 

“Shut up,” Stiles said he went to push Scott but a grunt of pain ripped through him, “Ok, note to self, don’t make any sudden movements when you have a bruised rib.”

I immediately moved to take his pain away but the second he found out what I was trying to do he pulled my hand away. “Nope, not going to let you do that. You need to let yourself heal.”

“I feel a lot better,” which was true, the pain was slowly seeping away.

“Well you look a lot better,” Scott said, “You looked horrible before.”

“Well that happens when you have an Alpha slice you up.” I look down and the sight before me has shocked me. Stiles sees the look on my face and follows my gaze, looking at the newly healed skin. “Holy Crap, you did it. You’re healed. I guess you finally allowed yourself to heal. Which is good because you’re such a grump when you’re hurt.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better, but before you do anything I’m going to get Deaton to look at you.” With that, Scott walks out and quickly returns with Deaton beside him.

“So I see you’ve finally healed. Good, except now it’s going to be a bit difficult getting those stitches out.” He gets to work removing the stitches which is slightly uncomfortable but nothing too bad. When he was finished he finally spoke again. “You need to take it easy for a while, your body wasn’t letting itself heal so it’s going to take a while for you to get back to full strength.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of him.” Stiles says winking at me.

Deaton quickly responded, “And no strenuous activities, and that includes whatever Stiles has in mind.”

Stiles makes an exaggerated sigh. “I’ll guess we’ll have to find something else to do.”

Scott groaned. “I don’t know what you mean by that, but Isaac is going to drive you both back to Derek’s apartment, since I’m assuming you guys are going to want to be together for a while.”

I turn to Scott “I can drive myself.”

“No, you’re not. You literally just healed after being unconscious for half a day. You’re not going to drive.” There was a slight tinge of Alpha in his voice and I knew there was no point in arguing with him.

I stood up and felt right away that my body was weakened, but I could tell that Stiles was worse than I was. I quickly moved to help him walk, but he fought me off. “You’re weak yourself, you’re not going to help me. I can handle myself.”

“Stiles,” this time it was Scott, “I agree that Derek shouldn’t be doing any more than trying to walk himself, but you can’t stop me from helping you.”

“Fine,” he said resigned. With Scott’s help we got myself and Stiles into my car, Isaac in the front seat while Stiles and I took the back seat. I was unwilling to let him go after I was so close to losing him.

When we got to the loft, Isaac half carried up the stairs, while Stiles complained the entire way but there was a strain to his voice. When we finally got into the loft, Isaac helped Stiles onto my bed, before nodding at me and heading outside.

“I hope you know that just because I’m a bit beat up doesn’t mean that I’m totally useless.”

I moved to lie down next to him pulling him to have him rest on my chest. It was quiet for a while, the two of us just relieved to be together. Stiles eventually broke the silence, “I’m sorry I scared you. I know that I couldn’t imagine what it would be like if I lost you and I can only imagine how you would feel.”

“I’m sorry as well. Not just for everything that happened, but for also scaring you. You’re right that it would be so hard for me to lose you. I don’t know how I’d survive. I’ve already lost so many people that I loved and cared for, I don’t think I could handle anything else happening to someone I love.”

I could feel the smile on his face. “I don’t think I’m ever going to get tired of hearing you say that.”

“That I can’t lose you, because it’s true.”

“No, the fact that you love me.” He leaned up and placed a kiss upon my lips, this one short and sweet. “I love you too, by the way.”

In that moment we laid together and just enjoyed each other’s presence. I know the looking to the future can be worrisome, but it’s also something that we can’t control. The thing that I will try to control is how I feel about Stiles. He was someone that I truly loved and I will continue to make sure he knows it. I almost lost him once, I’m going to try my hardest to never let that happen again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end of this story. Thanks for reading.


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